mercy triumphs over judgment…
I am breaking from sharing my journal entries for this particular post. It’s one that should have been written down because it demonstrates how often we can miss the mark and fall when we are crushed in spirit.
It happened to me. My most shameful moment in life. I was being pushed in a wheelchair toward the exit sign, in my lap was a box, not a newborn. A gentleman was passing by us carrying a car seat, one no doubt to take his newborn home in. His appearance was fairly rough: hat turned to the side, pants hung well below his derrière, arms completely exposed with tattoos randomly dispersed (disclaimer: I have no issue with tattoos, in fact, I’ve tried to convince Ryan to begin a sleeve and I have a couple in mind for myself).
Point being, I made a judgment. A quick, emotional, irrational judgment and with the ugliest of comparisons toward this man I knew nothing about, asked God why “he” got to take his baby home?! As if I would be a better parent, raise better kids, be more engaged, more loving, provide a “better” environment for my child to thrive…
As quickly as i thought it, i was reproved by the Great I Am. The most gentle reproof I’ve ever received, the quickest reproof I’ve ever received.
“You are not me! You could never sit in My judgment seat, nor do you want too! You must trust me.”
Remorseful, I repented as quickly as I had fallen. That is not who God designed me to be. I knew that, and I know that comparison is the discord to contentment. It will steal my joy and leave me to wade in my own pool of self pity. That is not who i am. I belong to the great I Am and in that moment He reminded me of His grace, demonstrated His mercy, and reassured me yet again how secure i am because of my identity in Christ…
“Who is a God like you, pardoning the sin and overlooking the crimes of the remnant of his heritage? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in grace.” Micah 7:18
His mercy triumphs over judgment. It did for me, especially in that moment! And from that moment on, each time I’ve seen a pregnant woman my prayer is that her arms are filled with living, breathing life; each time I’ve heard a newborn cry I praise God for that life He delivered; and each time I’ve held a baby, I’m grateful that another family has been rewarded with this tremendous gift of life. He covered me in mercy and grace, developing an even more capable heart; one that could ache and long for my son but also rejoice and be glad in the life given to others! It’s who i am…because of Him, because He says so…
“For those who identify with their old nature set their minds on the things of the old nature, but those who identify with the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. Having one’s mind controlled by the old nature is death, but having one’s mind controlled by the Spirit is life and shalom.” Romans 8:5-6
i am loved, i am accepted, i am forgiven, and i am pursued, by the God who delights in showing mercy.
And so are you.