left breathless…
June 10, 2017
I can’t breathe.
The only thing I can cry out is the Name above All Names.
Face down, knees scarring.
I’ve never questioned my involuntary ability to breathe until now. It’s called an “involuntary” action for a reason, but what happens when it somehow gets blocked or shut off? 3 years ago I witnessed Connor suffer from a fall that left him winded, unable to speak, and barely breathing. My first reaction, “God help him!”
A year ago it happened to me. Only the fall came from a heart that dropped within me. My response, the same, “God help me!” My expectation, that He would. But how, I knew not.
We can often find ourselves overwhelmed by our inability to “do” something, “perform” well, “control” the circumstances. What happens when we realize our limitations and trust in God’s limitless abilities or even His Name. I found myself humbled, face down, on my knees in an empty nursery speaking only His Name. It’s the only thing I could do.
I had nothing to give, nothing to bring. My heart was broken and it left me gasping for air. I wondered at the time if He would be so generous to just take me home.
But, i had been granted full access to the Father, because of the Son, and moved by the Spirit into a place of vulnerable surrender. I called out His name. The name that the Israelites would not utter because it was/is too sacred; but the Name i get to use daily and speak out loud because of the sacrifice Jesus accomplished.
“And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, He gave up His spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.”
Matthew 27:50-51
That curtain that separated the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place, has been removed. Symbolic of the separation that was once between man and God. The priest that was the mediator then is no longer needed, as Jesus became our mediator. Our ability to stand before the Father and call on His Name no longer has a veiled barrier because of Jesus. We can approach Jehovah with unveiled faces because of Jesus.
“Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold…whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”
2 Corinthians 3:12,16-18
So there I lay. Breathless. Waiting for The Spirit to intercede on my behalf and push the air out of me. He did, and only God’s Name remained. He revealed in one gentle push that all I needed was to speak His Name. And in saying that powerful Name, i could move again and breathe again. Not to say that often times since then, I find myself slowly moving and barely breathing, but He takes me back to that floor where I remained face down for who knows how long, and reminds me that He accomplishes the work required for me to breath. My task is to keep His Name on the tip of my tongue and declare it!
“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: “ Lord, save me!” The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”
Psalm 116:1-7
i have been able to rest since then. i rest in the Great I Am. But what does that really mean? It sounds like church talk. I’ll put it into practice for you. I got swept off my feet 2 weeks ago. Not the romantic sweep, more like someone took a steel broom and beat me until it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I’m well acquainted with this feeling and have learned to look at a wall in the heart of my home when this feeling arises. It’s known as the “grateful” wall. It used to bear the names of things we were grateful for each year. Anything from Pokémon to donuts to more serious things like wild hogs and fire. Late one evening about 10 months ago, I looked at that wall and grabbed a marker and began to write the Names of God that I knew, the names that I had experienced first hand as He had revealed Himself to me over the last few months…i learn them, i study them, i have been shaped and reshaped as i rest in them. They are Names directly from scripture that reveal His very nature…
Jehovah-I Am
Elohim-Creator
El Emeth-God of truth
El Shaddai-All powerful
Jehovah Shammah-Lord is there
Jehovah Tsuri-My Rock
El Moshaah-God who saves
Jehovah Jireh-Provider
Kadosh-Holy One
Jehovah Nissi-Lord my banner
Jehovah Shalom-God of peace
El Nehkumah-God of all comfort
El Kanna-Jealous God
Jehovah Roi-My Shepherd
Jehovah Uzzi-My strength
Jehovah Ori-My light
Jehovah Rophe-Healer
Jehovah Sabaoth-Lord of Heavenly Hosts
Jehovah Magen-Lord my shield
Immanuel-God with us
Rabbi-Teacher
Logos-Word
Messiah-Christ
Parakletos-Helper
This wall, or rather the Names on this wall remove self from the picture and place my gaze on a good God with limitless abilities and power. And yet, there is a promise that we gain when we speak His Name…
“Whoever acknowledges me in the presence of others I will also acknowledge in the presence of my Father in heaven.”
Matthew 10:32
This is incredible! Our name spoken by Jesus and acknowledged by God himself! That is security! May we all be so inclined to pick up His Word daily and learn His very nature as He reveals Himself through His living Names.